The Night My Dog Died

I once had a powerful dream (Not the first and probably not the last) that I was in a crowded parking lot , about to enter the Stop & Shop when a car pulls out of a space. I glance over to the empty space and there is a bush nearby with a dog lying beneath it. This dog’s hind legs were a ruin of rot flies and grossness. It looked up at me with the saddest eyes and I ran over.  As i pet it”s shaggy head I apologized for all the people who had passed it by without helping. and then i grew very very angry. It wasn’t until i yelled out “how could you people let somethign like this happen?” that one man lent me his cell phone to call for help. BUt he still seemed reluctant about it. As i dialed the number for Animal Rescue League the random stranger said “Wow, i bet it started out as a small cut. He had to have been lying here yowling for days. “
“Yeah,” I said sarcastically. My anger was such I nearly threw the phone at him but I had to save the dog, I had to try. The operator came on just then and told me that they couldn’t get to us for another hour. I knew the dog wouldn’t last that long and I looked down at him and burst into tears. I mean it really hurt me to see this creature dying like this in public. I can’t even describe the anger it was so tangible. And then he layed his head on my lap and said “it’s alright.” and died.
I told this dream to a friend who I am so very blessed to have in my life. He is off the wall good at dream analysis and he couldn’t believe I didn’t recognize myself as the dog in the dream and the indifferent cold people in the parking lot were people in my life I feel should be more invested in helping me. I’m usually okay analyzing my own baggage. Since I hate feeling sorry for myself, though, I couldn’t see it this time. I had been so proud that I accepted things the way they are between my family and me. Apparently a very important part of me has not.

The unconscious mind is a trip. When I declared I was  ready to move on I was shown  why I wasn’t. I was forced to re examine some old hurts before going forward with more important relationships in my life. Which turned out to be a better thing to do than telling myself I wasn’t hurt at all. Healing, of course, is an ongoing process but again staying conscious of what I am trying to get past allows me to be in the here and now a heck of a lot more.

My Special Friend and Domestic Abuse

[16:19] Nymphet Sahara: once i was with aguy and we were walkign at night on the commons
[16:19] Nymphet Sahara: it was beautiful summer night
[16:20] Nymphet Sahara: and we happened upon Shakespeare in the park
[16:20] Nymphet Sahara: they were doing my favorite, a midsummer night’s dream
[16:20] Agustin Braham: WOW
[16:20] Nymphet Sahara: i wa slike..this is perfect!
[16:20] Nymphet Sahara: …
[16:20] Nymphet Sahara: well
[16:20] Agustin Braham: yes it was
[16:21] Nymphet Sahara: we sat ina cozy area beneath a civil war monument on a bench lit only by moon and stars. above the crowd on a hill
[16:21] Nymphet Sahara: but just close enough to see the stage and actors
[16:21] Agustin Braham: mmmmm
[16:21] Nymphet Sahara: as i leaned up against him he starts to mumble about how stupid shakespeare was
[16:21] Nymphet Sahara: and how stuck up everyone was for pretending to laugh at language they did not understand
[16:21] Nymphet Sahara: i ignored it
[16:21] Nymphet Sahara: then
[16:21] Nymphet Sahara: he starts swearing
[16:22] Nymphet Sahara: “this fucking nerdy shit”
[16:22] Agustin Braham: Ohh nooooo
[16:22] Nymphet Sahara: i happened to have a McD’s chicken wrap in my hand
[16:22] Agustin Braham: why did the poor idiot have to ruin it
[16:22] Nymphet Sahara: and just as he was laughing at his own crude joke i smashed it against his mouth
[16:23] Nymphet Sahara: he looked at me like i ha djust stabbed him and walked off into the night
[16:23] Nymphet Sahara: i felt
[16:23] Agustin Braham: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
[16:23] Nymphet Sahara: very dirty
[16:23] Nymphet Sahara: very bad for losing my composure
[16:23] Nymphet Sahara: and hitting a man
[16:23] Nymphet Sahara: shameful
[16:23] Nymphet Sahara: so i went after him
[16:23] Nymphet Sahara: and he cried
[16:23] Agustin Braham: yes
[16:23] Nymphet Sahara: and i felt guilty for putting him in a situation that made him feel unintelligent
[16:23] Agustin Braham: did you call him a babby drama queen and he should get on stage with the others?
[16:24] Nymphet Sahara: i tried to live the next twio years like that. avoiding intellectual situations and convo all for him
[16:24] Nymphet Sahara: and then i broke it off
[16:24] Nymphet Sahara: huh?
[16:24] Nymphet Sahara: LOLOLOL
[16:25] Nymphet Sahara: i shoudl have used WORDS
[16:25] Agustin Braham: I dont think you did him a dis service at all
[16:26] Agustin Braham: He could of used that opportunity to see that he was defending his own ignorance with crude jokes
[16:26] Nymphet Sahara: he knew. I knew.
[16:26] Nymphet Sahara: it didn’t help. he still got smacked
[16:26] Nymphet Sahara: :<
[16:27] Agustin Braham: Noo, I meant he could have used getting smacked as the lesson
[16:27] Agustin Braham: but instead poor poor me
[16:27] Agustin Braham: Your reversing the roles and thats not the same
[16:27] Agustin Braham: When a Woman hits a man
[16:28] Agustin Braham: the Man needs to put a lot of thought into why she hit him
[16:28] Nymphet Sahara: i agree! but if he were capable of that, sadly, there would never have been a hit right?
[16:28] Nymphet Sahara: sighs
[16:29] Agustin Braham: Nope
[16:29] Nymphet Sahara: i have always ALWAYS felt ashamed about that night
[16:29] Nymphet Sahara: o.o no?
[16:29] Agustin Braham: the hit was his chance to expand his self awareness
[16:29] Agustin Braham: You think the hit came from you
[16:29] Agustin Braham: Your wrong
[16:29] Agustin Braham: the hit came from the unicerse trying to wake him up
[16:29] Agustin Braham: universe
[16:29] Nymphet Sahara: hOLY HELL hahahahahaha
[16:29] Nymphet Sahara: you are fucking awesome!
[16:30] Agustin Braham: Nope
[16:30] Nymphet Sahara: it’s TRUE
[16:30] Agustin Braham: Just right
[16:30] Nymphet Sahara: hugs you so hard

Evenly Yolked

my bf has been working long days in the heat and viewing properties on Saturdays. every day he comes home sun drenched and sweaty to peruse the realtor list i email him and together on the phone we pick out what he will view.
I can’t say enough about how good he has been about it all. He is doing all of the legwork and ofcourse i wish i could shoulder more of the burden ( he’s definately that guy you gladly want to get on the yolk and pull right alongside with. Grade A husband material) . I can’t think of a single time anyone has done so much for me without throwing it in my face or getting paid. I simply ADORE him.

I’m In Love

I am starting a new chapter in life with THE most loving patient man on the planet. My hero My inspiration. I didn’t think we would ever find each other in this life. But we DID! and he is as lovely and big and strong as i always dreamed he would be! I don’t tell him enough how he has filled my life.   Even if he does insist that he is one dimensional he’s big and small all at the same time. and he’s all mine.

Gold Coast

GOLD COAST

Efua,
lakes of white moon milk ripple
in your dream. Supple
is your black skin, like the sacred
Modder Forest in the evening. Efua, your young
heart is like the thumping of your bare and drunken
feet, the drums’ tom-tom and the rhythmical harvest song.

Efua, in your dream the orange sun has ripened,
naked bride of the morning and stone of innocence. 
The wrists of your hands are light, like the hollow 
bones of birds. Like a reed in the wind — your waist.

The golden hair of corn sighs in your dream.
A river of copper water boils. The palm tree’s hands
beat the lazy wind in the shadow. You hold
your bow and arrow raised high. Efua, your winding path

is followed by the cunning eye of the tiger. But you
will overcome the beast and the dark foliage, where
the odd dreams of monkeys dangle and the wind’s cool knives hang
after slicing a soft cloud. Warm lakes
of moon milk are steaming in your dream.
Efua, in your long, long dream.

-Henrikas Nagys

WTF Karma, You Scary

Why did B/F just loose his wallet?

After renting a hotel room for two nights, finding out this afternoon the account is overdrawn, trying to cure it with cash from my account then finding out I have a daily limit which I’d exhausted,  going back to his place to get 300 dollars in change, cashing it in at shoprite only to be glared at for being interracial , paying the overdraft at the ATM then finally relaxing back into the chair at nail salon: B/F calls me and tells me he lost his wallet. But I cant go to him because I am in —
Okay check this shit!
B/F just walked into nail salon all smiles and kisses (that’s right hookers stare at his sexy slim goodness). Turns out someone found his wallet on the ground near the ATM. They looked up the name on his licence in the phonebook.  On top of all that, the good Semaritan ended up being an old family friend .

\o.0/  thank you universe!!!

Intermittent Educated Townie Blues

I tend to be insecure about being unemployed and single mother in college. The bulk of the important things I do aren’t always in the form of paid employment (been there. Done that. Glass ceilings are what brought me back to college in the first place) and therefore remain negligible to anyone who feels like judging. I try to remain in a state of “This is what is good for me and mine. To hell with the opinions of those who don’t understand,”
To those who acknowledge the path I’ve chosen for myself IS hard work and deserving of respect I am very thankful you are in my corner. My goals will without doubt yield fruit. Trying to convince people of that fact should not be on my to-do list.

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